Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
