Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize