FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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