You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
