There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
