Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
