I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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