flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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