is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
