The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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