considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
