he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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