It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
she smelled like a LAN party
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
