so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
