What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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