I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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