The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
