my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
