so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
