and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I booty called her while she was in labor.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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