So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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