Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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