This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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