Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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