bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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