no you cant smoke seaweed
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
