I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
