I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I don't deserve a penis
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
