oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
