some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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