I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
