...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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