Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
