hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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