My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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