Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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