she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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