Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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