I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
bring money and cleavage
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
