It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
