Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize