Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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