So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
