i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
