And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
