Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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