24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
