Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
