just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
My vagina just clenched in fear
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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