No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
