I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
