I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
