The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
