K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
