That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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