I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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