Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Randomize
