just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
