You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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