I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
