you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
