omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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