Your face is a jimmy john
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
