just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
vagina is talking i cant
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
