I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
