OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Randomize
