Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
