Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
