she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
