I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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