Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
