She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
