Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
