Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
