Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
